Shitty Days

There are so many things I could probably update on, but this sick feeling in my stomach takes away all desire. Lets do a quick catch-up... I got a job at LA Fitness, it pretty much sucks- I get paid shit and work my ass off for nothing... I haven't gone to my appointment for my medical problems yet because something else came up that required me to reschedule... and although I have lost 8 lbs due to changing portions and what I am putting my body- I am still a fat cow (moo). Right now I feel like throwing up. It hit me all of the sudden when Joe was going out the door to his volunteer fire-fighting meeting... this feeling like something was going to go wrong- or already was wrong. I got this feeling frequently when me and Joe were having problems- and I was always right. Something was always wrong. It leaves me to wonder- what the hell is wrong. Joe and I got into a big fight today over my having to work tonight, the night he is supposed to attend his meetings. I have this over-whelming feeling like the other shoe is going to drop, and he is going to leave me again. This time I won't have anywhere to go because I cut my parents out of my life for their dysfunctional behavior. Generally, its been a pretty bad day in the depression department. I want to crawl under a rock and disappear. How terrible to not want to be present.. but presently that is how I feel.