I did my "new hire" paperwork today. I am still really stoked I have a job- but I just have this nagging feeling in my gut like something is wrong. Maybe I just haven't had a job in so long I am nervous? That can't be it. There is just something about it that makes me feel uneasy.

After talking to my sister earlier- and hearing about all her plans of buying a house and going to school to get her Math Credential.. I feel like I really am behind in living. I still really want to go to school.. geez there is still so much I want to do- I just feel like I need guidance. I need help- from someone. I feel so chatty right now, and I don't have anyone to chat with. My hubby is out in the garage with some friends. I sent the girls to bed (but a 5 yr old, a 4 yr old, and a 2.5 yr old aren't exactly good advice givers- lol). I don't want to go into depth in the complaining department- so I will just say I am totally lost at what to do with life. I had (and still have) such high aspirations for this year and the years ahead. In 1 month I have lost sight of that and traded it for a slightly above minimum wage job because we aren't getting by. I just need a new vision of how to accomplish it.

I didn't go to my Dr's appointment today. I know- bad me. It was far, and frankly I didn't have the gas- or the will to get up early to sit in traffic. I rescheduled for next Tuesday- and hopefully I wont be working on that day. I highly doubt that it could go from CIN III to cancer in a month... although I don't want to say that because with my luck it would. I am not worried really- if I am meant to go down that dark trail then I will go down it.

Next on my list of things needing to be accomplished (besides my usual), is getting black slacks, a dark blue shirt, and black dress shoes that don't totally kill my feet like the ones I have. I know I will end up borrowing from people- and probably look like a retard.. I am so used to that- I guess I just have to accept that beggars in life can't be choosers.