I have so much running through my head, and yet its so hard to translate into words. Lately it feels like I am getting attacked by that inevitable force that likes to wreck any progress or positiveness. It sucks the light from my life, and leaves a dark empty hole. In the hole is doubt, fear, depression, hurt, and envy. I have lived in that hole for so much of my life- and I hoped that I would not ever have to crawl back into it. I am so close to it that I can feel the darkness closing in. My possitive attitude of late has turned into the usual pessimism. My faith in God is being over shadowed by fear and envy. I hate what despair makes me, and that despair is caused by life's situation. I can't even explain how I feel. Its hard, and I just dont have the words